I am SO going ~ because I SO need it

I am SO going to hear Lysa TerKeurst tonight at a nearby church! And ALL day tomorrow! I have high expectations of it being better than a day spa!

Because I SO need it.

I have been SO lonely for SO long and I'm SO selfish (I guess!? because I'm doing this for ME! the kids can wait for once!).

SO there!

I'm having one of those "life stinks" decades. Wow, that's a long time, isn't it! I'm even horrified at myself. I'm shy, so I take forever to make new friends. In fact, the only friends I have are from 25 years ago. They're the only ones that REALLY know me, that is. -- everything about me. They're like college roommates - even though I never went to college. We hung out with each other in our church's singles ministry, morning, noon & night. We went on retreats together. Played together. Laughed together. Cried together. Went out and did stuff together. Learned about life together. To quote Martha Hadley(?), I guess we were "sharing life together". Blech, I hate that line! I mean, I truly despise it. How much "sharing life" can you really do with strangers on the radio, Martha? Gimme a break. But I digress ... Of course, my little handful of friends are spread out over the entire country now. And even though I'm just a mouse click away and I sit here and wait patiently, they don't write. How's that for a good imitation of a Jewish Mother? ;-) (yes, I do write to them)

Probably doesn't help that we've been at our church for 17 years and I don't have one friend there. No, not even one. We smile, nod and say hi in the hallways, but as far as knowing each other, nope. I've even had people tell me they specifically attend church there so they don't have to get to know people. Just pop in, listen to the sermon and pop out. How sad is that? The few acquaintances I have made, all end up leaving for one reason or another. But I won't get into all the buckets of tears I've cried over that one. Yes, I have tried initiating various things, but everyone is "so busy".

Fast forward from those fun days of yesteryear (college age) to today. Today I am my kids' mom. I am not so-and-so's sister (I have no siblings, talk about lonely!), I am not somebody's aunt (obviously), I have no co-workers to go out after work with, nobody to wear matching shirts with at Women of Faith. Life is lonely. I'm not one that needs a lot of people. But zero is becoming more and more unacceptable. I have my incredibly awesome DH (thank GOD!) but the poor man can only take so much of me. And let's not forget - he IS a man, so you know his words are all used up by noon, anyway.

And while that mom gig is a great thing and I wouldn't trade it for the world, I often feel like I got lost somewhere along the way. I go to annual conventions to learn how to better educate them thar kids. I go to monthly moms meetings - again, for them. I buy books so that when they go to bed, I can use my spare time to read about them and their changing needs. Trying to keep one step ahead of them. The birds and the bees talk is coming up WAY too fast ~ can I get an AMEN??! Guess this will be the year of the Santa talk, too -- how much can one mom take!??! I chauffer them to piano lessons, the library, swimming lessons, basketball practice & games, sewing lessons and the list goes on. I feel like Jan Brady. And it's always all about "Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!"

I often think that at my eulogy, those who show up will be scratching their heads and saying "hmmm, I wonder what she was like??" Have I mentioned I take a long time to get to know? Time that few people are willing to invest.

But tonight, it's all about me! Me, me, me .... (and in case you hadn't heard - me)! And the few ladies who took pity on me and said "GUHH, ok, ok, I'll go." (just joshin!) Thanks, Joan & Karen!!!

Here's to "doing life together" and the beginning of 2 beautiful new friendships. I am SO gonna cry tonight. Might as well just warn you now. Even if this women's conference ends up NOT talking about women's friendships and concentrates more about something like, oh, I don't know, improving my relationship with God. That obviously needs some new life breathed into it, too ... well, DUH! So, either way ... I'm good.

I started out excited to be posting about finally going to a REAL women's conference after all these years ... didn't mean to go off on all those other tangents. So, thanks for saving me $100 on some therapist's couch somewhere. Blogging rules, therapy drools (a spinoff on my kids' current favorite phrase - see, it always somehow comes back to being about them) ;-P

Where IS that DH ........ doesn't he know I need to burn some rubber and peel out of here?